Every Episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, Ranked

This article was originally published on splitsider in 2017 and has been updated to reflect the most recent episodes of the show.

jerry seinfeld hates talk shows, so he decided to do the anti-talk show. Thus, Comedians in Cars Drinking Coffee was born, a series that allows Seinfeld to take his friends for a ride in fancy cars to get some food and drink. for viewers, the lack of fanfare and production makes us bystanders in the lives of comedians. the best episodes are the ones that actually make you feel like you’re eavesdropping on a private moment between friends.

Reading: Best comedians in cars getting coffee

Now that the series is on netflix with a new season, let’s see which episodes top the charts and which ones flop:

82. kathleen madigan: “caressed in a hot machine” (season 7, episode 3)

seinfeld and madigan insult comedian chuck martin’s apartment, who joins madigan, right at the top of the episode and everything gets a little awkward from there. the conversation turns to where different comics take their run. He always feels a little awkward when Seinfeld and his guests’ accomplishments don’t match up. furthermore, the jokes, which are the real meat of the show, seem flat and lackluster. it is not comparable to the others at all. this episode was like watching pastel paint dry from a really uncomfortable wicker chair. however, he deserves credit for taking the time to deconstruct the term “idiot”.

Best Phrase: “That guy is a real Ottoman.” —martin

81. miranda sings: “happy thanksgiving miranda” (season 5, episode 4)

miranda sings teaches seinfeld how to be famous, which begs the question: what went so wrong that seinfeld (the man, the myth, the legend) had to put up with a fake miranda sings video on youtube? is it too hard? Seinfeld takes Miranda Sings to the restaurant, where she educates him on “Weho,” or West Hollywood, as it’s more popularly known, and “men porn.” if you’re a fan of miranda sings then you’ll probably love this episode but i’m not a fan so to me this episode is like the puffy shirt all over again except the puffy shirt is miranda sings. yes, here is my transparent bias.

best sentence: “do you live in [west hollywood]? that’s where all the booze is! —sing

80. hasan minhaj: “no one cries at a joke” (season 10, episode 7)

When the most fascinating part of an episode is a jar of syrup, it’s saying something. I think there’s something that happens when the older generation of comedians hangs out with newcomers: awkwardness. seinfeld did well with daily talk show host trevor noah in a previous season, but except for a few moments, i think he and minhaj just didn’t hit it off.

best line: I didn’t laugh once. wanted, but it wasn’t in the cards.

79. mario joyner: “I should have done that” (season 11, episode 9)

The first time we saw Joyner was in the first season with Colin Quinn, in which Joyner entertained the table with a public transportation anecdote. Nothing in this episode can top that, not even the beard trim Seinfeld has planned for Joyner. Half of this series feels like Seinfeld finds weird and yet very mundane situations in which to slip his guests. but I’m fine with that.

best line: all glengarry glen ross lines (you’ll see).

78. sarah jessica parker: “a little hyperaware” (season 4, episode 1)

welcome to the city van! or as seinfeld calls this episode, “comedians in cars get riled up.” Parker is not a comedian, so I’m here with the aggravation. There’s a lot of nostalgia in this episode, except it’s not about comedy, it’s about life in the days when dads drove pickup trucks. a good portion of this episode is also spent arguing about how much to tip, just to remind us all that celebrities are not like us. listen, it was a nice episode, nothing special.

Best Phrase: “The old school cup holder people.” —seinfeld

77. howard stern: “the last days of howard stern” (season 3, episode 7)

stern and seinfeld are probably very good friends, but this episode could almost convince you otherwise. it is difficult to decipher. The conversation relies heavily on Stern’s insecurities and the things she’s been trying to work out, and in the process she tries to sell Seinfeld on therapy. there’s also a very awkward moment where stern forgets that she’s not in her studio and tries to turn seinfeld negative. this episode gave me agitation.

best line: “I feel like this is the least important show in show business that I’m on right now.” —stern

76. barry marder: “big batches and bevmo!” (season 11, episode 12)

Things go off the rails on this one. Marder, back for the first time since season one, and Seinfeld spend the day scouring large batches, which ends with them gobbling up chocolate Twinkies on a random couch outside the store. why? why not.

best line: “am I boring you?” -seinfeld

75. todd barry: “so you’re calm and uptight?” (season 3, episode 4)

Seinfeld takes Barry on his first ride in a sports car and they head to Coney Island. Amid some awkward pauses, the two comedians chat about New York real estate, movies, and Barry’s favorite citrus joke that never elicits a laugh. i love barry though, that kind of weird and shy personality works great for barry on stage, but he sets a very slow pace for the episode.

best line: “what about all those shirts at macy’s? where are you going? what about them?” —seinfeld

74. jim gaffigan: “stay with the pope” (season 8, episode 1)

73.ted l. nancy (barry marder): “you don’t want to offend a cannibal” (season 1, episode 7)

in case you’re not familiar, ted l. Nancy is Marder’s pseudonym. anyway, this episode’s talking points really take on a mind of their own. Lowe’s, Rob Lowe, and competitive eating are discussed, and Jerry gives Marder a lesson in cannibalism and polite pie ordering.

best line: “if you’re with cannibals obviously you have to have good manners. you don’t want to offend a cannibal. —seinfeld

72. eddie murphy: “I just want to kill” (season 11, episode 1)

At least we now know what Seinfeld’s favorite car is, judging by the introduction of the Porsche that took up about a third of the 41-minute episode. Expensive German machinery aside, it turns out that Murphy and Seinfeld started on the comic strip in Manhattan the exact same week, but despite knowing each other for decades, they haven’t gone without compliments for each other. most of this episode is fanboys with each other, which i guess is kinda cute. This episode is also the beginning of some awkward moments of looking back on their respective relationships with Bill Cosby. While Cosby’s recent headlines don’t measure up, Murphy admits that Cosby wasn’t very nice to him, compared to the rest of the comics he interacted with. why? We may never know, but I guess that seal of approval isn’t something Murphy pins for these days. While it’s nice to see two legends hang out, this episode left a lot to be desired and I found myself constantly checking the progress bar for an eta by the end.

best sentence: “the planet of the apes is the wizard of oz”. —murphy

71. ali goingworth: “I’m going to take a percocet and let it go” (season 5, episode 6)

wasp! It’s what’s for dinner in this episode of comedians in cars hanging out at country clubs! this Jew doesn’t care. goingworth is simply a good conversationalist. she’s great at seeming like a normal person who’s also funny. It seems like she and Seinfeld have a lot of family vacations together.

best line: “all [wasp] genitalia are putty closed.” —wentworth

70. jb smoove: “everyone respects a damn nose” (season 8, episode 4)

This episode relies heavily on car talk. If you appreciate a good 1964 Studebaker Avanti, then you’ll love this! There’s also a bit of banter about things like straws, the walking dead, and a bow-tie trading program. here’s the deal: if you’re as much of a fan of smoove as smoove is of itself, then you’ll enjoy this episode.

best sentence: “did you hear the two prostitutes talk to each other and one says: ‘do you smoke after sex?’ she says: ‘I don’t know, she never looked’”. —guest star jeannie

69. kristen wiig: “the madness” (season 9, episode 1)

seinfeld is ready for a hipster day with wiig, which apparently includes rolled up jeans, bookstores and house of pies. The saturday night live alum dives into how her personality made her uniquely adept at improv and snl of hers. wiig is such a sunny presence and such fun when she’s on stage, but this episode was a bit sleepy. she talked about how she feels more comfortable in character than talking to people, so maybe that can explain it. If you’re a fan of Wiig and familiar with her work, then it’s almost like seeing two completely different people.

Best Phrase: “I love when two people get mad and jump into bed over an old Volvo.” —seinfeld

68. george wallace: “two polish airline pilots” (season 4, episode 2)

wallace and seinfeld in vegas. Most importantly, in this episode we learn that Vegas really does have coffee! But before Seinfeld and Wallace take their caffeine intake, they take the stage at the Flamingo. This is the first episode where Seinfeld does a little stand-up, which is a nice treat. This episode is really about how far Seinfeld and Wallace go, what it was like to be on the road, and what their relationship has been like over the last two decades. you will learn a lot.

best line: “how did they come up with the word ‘suppository’? and I thought, maybe the guy was looking at it and said, ‘I guess I…'” —seinfeld

67. bill maher: “the cocky arrogant comedy team” (season 6, episode 4)

appropriate title. this episode dripped with both smugness and arrogance. it’s a lot of maher talking about himself and physically picking up a woman who was trying to “work her way paris hilton” through the bathroom line. It’s no secret that Seinfeld and Maher are a bit of a showoff, but if you thought it was just an act before, wait till you watch this episode.

best line: “I thought goats just walk. I didn’t know they were making butter. —seinfeld

66. ricky gervais: “china maybe?” part 1 and 2 (season 11, episode 3 and 4)

ugh. this episode gets into that, but maybe not in the way you want. Gervais, who we haven’t seen since season one, makes a triumphant two-part return that asks the question, “do we drop the Chinese joke or not?” The weight of this episode centers on a joke where Gervais says that he loves New York because no two people are alike and Seinfeld asks “where are people alike?” then he continues with, you may have already guessed it, “maybe china?” Now obviously that’s a pretty cheap line and joke that many would take offense to, so Gervais and Seinfeld spend the rest of the episodes discussing whether the joke should stay or be cut. they both lean into the fact that they obviously know it’s offensive but seinfeld used it (and gervais thought to say it) because he mocks a ridiculous stereotype that they sure don’t believe at all. Safely. not only does the joke stay, but it is the title of the first and second parts. take it how you want.

best line: “no one is interested in a show about anything.” —seinfeld

65. seth rogen: “we have the meats” (season 11, episode 2)

“he just doesn’t know how to die.” “Does anyone need it? what is it for? Nothing.” That’s how Seinfeld describes the 1976 Dodge Royal Monaco sedan he chose for his guest, Seth Rogen. “I like things that exist,” says Seinfeld, “just because they want to exist.” It’s perfect for Rogen, who lacks the looks of a movie star but somehow “is.” So he’s off to a good start! The comedians head to Canter’s Deli to share some fries and chat about the night they both ran into cosby after an awards show where cosby took home a lifetime achievement award that seinfeld first turned down cosby’s talk is quickly followed by an awkward silence because really what must i say?then, with the important generationally relevant conversation behind them, they head to arby’s seemingly only for the employees to say, “we’ve got the meats” watch out because i’m about to throw comedians in cars for fast food da.

best line: “Would you like to share some fries?” —rogen

64. aziz ansari: “it’s like throwing a building off a cliff” (season 4, episode 4)

ansari and seinfeld go on tour, on a tour bus, on a tour bus that seinfeld drives. Ansari looks extremely uncomfortable, and it’s unclear if it’s because of having to talk to Seinfeld or the fact that his life could be in danger. what is the seinfeld insurance policy, what do you think? eventually, the tension eases and the two comedians find relationships, technology, family, and of course, comedy.

best line: “comedy has a vampire aspect to it, you don’t want to do it in the light.” —seinfeld

63. norm macdonald: “a rusty car in the rain” (season 9, episode 2)

sometimes classic cars are too compact and crush seinfeld and his guest like sardines. it makes me feel very uncomfortable watching tall guys get into tiny cars like trying to get into skinny jeans in 35 degree weather. Aside from that distraction, Macdonald tells a lot of old stories about the apparition and Seinfeld mainly listens. If Norm Macdonald Story Time is on your wish list, then this episode is for you!

best line: “a rusty car in the rain sounds like one of those sexual things: ‘how much is a rusty car in the rain?'” —macdonald

62. joel hodgson: “a taste of hell from above” (season 1, episode 5)

Hodgson and Seinfeld reveal that every man’s wish in the ’80s was to be crazy in the ’60s. To fulfill their wish, the two play ketchup executives over lunch. It’s a conversation about nothing, and what more could you want from a Seinfeld show?

best line: “how many fights did you have over this [ketchup bottle] before someone said, ‘but ketchup goes to the bottom.'” put the lid on the bottom.’” —hodgson

61. jay leno: “comedy is a hidden weapon” (season 3, episode 3)

leno influenced many comedians and it’s no surprise that seinfeld is in that group. While it’s entertaining to listen to Leno and Seinfeld talk business, Leno is so “on” that he feels a bit fake. the show usually feels very intimate and raw, and this episode felt too flashy. however, part of the show is leno pretending that he has never had coffee before, which is very long lasting.

best line: “what’s a jay leno?” —leno

60. seth meyers: “really?” (season 2, episode 5)

Between jokes about rescue dogs and Martha Stewart, Meyers provides inside details on her transition from SNL to Late Night with Seth Meyers. It’s always entertaining to hear how snl talent came about and when their careers were made.

best lines:

meyers: “how many cars do you have?”

seinfeld: “an amount that if you looked at it you wouldn’t get, ‘well, that makes sense.'”

59. dave chappelle: “nobody says, ‘wish i had a camera'” (season 10, episode 2)

I have to be honest, this episode ended and I found myself not remembering a single moment, and had to go back and watch it again. We know that both Seinfeld and Chappelle are comedy powerhouses, but they seemed…tired? There was small business talk, and then a walk down memory lane through Chappelle High School to drop off his Emmy. I guess it’s a nice gesture that he had to publicly complete during this episode.

best line: “the rectum is the lowest work in the body…but it has a bit of a social conscience to things that need to be dealt with.” —seinfeld

58. margaret cho: “you can go cho again” (season 8, episode 2)

This episode is packed. seinfeld and cho go to a mexican restaurant, a music store, a butcher shop, coffee again, and then seinfeld ends up opening for cho at the stress factory two weeks later. that is first. cho chokes on how seinfeld influenced his career and then opens up to him about being a sexual assault survivor and how it feels to make a comedy about it. this episode is really a lesson in dark humor at its peak and censorship and comedy.

best line: “intersectional? It sounds like a sofa that can be turned into a dining table.” —seinfeld

57. neal brennan: “red soled shoes equals awesome babies” (season 10, episode 8)

the brennan episode came at the perfect time. brennan is another pretty young comic and yet this episode was so much better than the previous minhaj. Maybe it’s that Brennan still has that old school comedy vibe that Seinfeld seems to fit in with, or maybe it’s just because they’re friends and that makes TV good. Was it the funniest episode? No. what’s better than listening to two guys arguing about gas or coal? Yes. so there you have it. the secret of my grade barometer has been revealed.

best line: “every time i turned on seinfeld, you guys were worried about a jacket.” —brennan

56. melissa villaseñor: “untitled” (season 11, episode 10)

the episode starts with seinfeld buying a “toy car”, which is how i found out toy stores still exist. seinfeld thinks that this nissan figaro, “ideal for a person who enjoys savoring life”, is perfect for villaseñor. this episode is mostly the snl star doing a powerful hour of impressions and deep conversation about a shared hobby of clay.

best phrase: “mr. rogers makes you feel really bad about yourself.”